Visualize Bigger Peanuts

The New Dating Scene

Three weeks ago my girlfriend invited me out to our local pub for girl talk. She’s been stuck in a relationship for the past year and wasn’t able to see the forest for the trees. Of course I was more than happy to help her out over dinner, drinks and trash talking.

Delilah, at least that’s what I’ll call her for this story, is a beautiful grandmom in her late 50s. This woman has a smile that can light up any room, is vivacious, sexy and just an all around great gal. She lacks in the self-confidence arena though. You see, she was married for 35 or so years, raised two great kids, and, for the past 13 years, cared for a sick husband. She’s now a widow and is experiencing the new dating scene. When she tossed her hat into the ring a year ago, she met up with a decent enough guy. But is it enough?

The Man

I say not. Carl is a towering man in his late 60s with rich, shockingly white hair. He’s a lawyer and self-proclaimed workaholic. He treats Delilah to terrific meals. Takes her out to the symphony. Has bought her an occasional necklace, several massages and day spa trips. Sounds heavenly. But the flaw that this man has is he compartmentalizes Delilah to one area of his life. Saturday nights. And not even to four Saturday nights a month. Delilah is lucky if she gets two, sometimes three.

Carl is happy as a pig in shit when he sees Delilah on the occasional Saturday night. Delilah on the other hand mourns the relationship the other 28 days of the month. Now don’t get me wrong, Carl calls Delilah every day, with a hello in the morning and a goodnight in the evening. But when Delilah went in for surgery a few months ago, the night before her surgery, she was home alone, crying for comfort and a hand to hold. No Carl in sight–it wasn’t Saturday night.

New Years Eve Delilah spent with me and my gang, longing for auld lang syne with Carl. But December 31, 2008 was, yep, you guessed it, a Wednesday night.

What is Enough?

So I ask you, if you’re dating a decent enough guy, what is enough?

This is where the fun came in at that local pub three weeks ago. Delilah and I had a talk about peanuts and how the Universe works. Delilah knew that the relationship was never going to change. It is, as they say, well, what it is.

But just shy of 60, Delilah did not want to grow old alone. She was beginning to manifest her fear. I’d say—28 days out of the month of not seeing someone that you’re in a relationship with is pretty lonely. Delilah understood this, but all of her friends believed going on that date one or two days a month was better than no date at all. Besides, they all said, there’s not much out there. Well there’s not if you don’t manifest it.

Bigger Peanuts

That night at the bar, I stuck my hand into the bowl of peanuts, withdrew a few, and tossed them onto the bar. This, I told Delilah is what you have in your life, peanuts. Then I asked her to pour the rest of the peanuts into my hands; they overflowed onto the bar. I proceeded to form a figure, a large figure, out of the fistful of peanuts, “This is what you COULD have in your life, if you so choose to.”

“How so?” she asked.

The Bar Napkin

The best ideas are conceived on bar napkins, at least that’s my philosophy. “I want you to write down, everything, I mean everything, to the minutest detail of the man you want in your life, down to his toenails—leave no detail left to chance, the Universe has a pretty good sense of humor, so yep, describe all you want, inside and out, down to his toenails.”

Hesitantly Delilah started writing. “Oh come on,” I said, “You can do better than that.” Words started tumbling onto the napkin, then the backside. Delilah fumbled to open the napkin up wide, so all four squares were visible, and she wrote and wrote and laughed. “This is what I want; this is what I want,” she cried.

I began smashing the few peanuts that were tossed onto the bar. “And so you shall,” I said. Delilah’s fists pummeled the remaining peanuts with passion.

The Universe at Work

“You need to let go of the small peanuts, and start visualizing bigger peanuts,” I told her. “Take the napkin home, look at it, live it, breathe it, everyday for as long as you can stand it. Then burn it or hide it and give it up to the Universe. Now the Universe will know what you want and will deliver it, because you deserve it.”

She smashed another peanut, “I’m going to call Carl tomorrow and tell him I’m moving onto bigger peanuts.” “Oh no,” I told her. “You can’t dictate to the Universe the who. Leave that up to them. Detach yourself from the how and just concentrate on attracting the outcome that you want—the man that you wrote on that napkin. Wouldn’t it be great if Carl turned into the man you wanted? Don’t eliminate that possibility. Open yourself up to all of the possibilities. Concentrate on the man you want to bring into your life. Leave the rest up to the Universe.”

“Will do,” she sighed as she tucked the napkin into her purse.

Falling Out of the Sky

Last week I sent Delilah an e-mail asking her if she’s visualizing bigger peanuts. Her response, “You bet your sweet— I am.”

I went out with Delilah last night for dinner, drinks and trash talking. She looked radiant. Last Friday night she had a talk with Carl, who told her he couldn’t change. He walked out the door. Sigh. Another lonely Saturday night. But wait, not so fast.

The phone rang on Saturday morning. A male friend of a male friend called Delilah. They went out to breakfast and had a lovely time. She drove home. The phone rang again. He asked her over for dinner. A home cooked meal, with wine, cheese and grapes by his pool—and laughter well into the night. Then Monday night Delilah’s upstair’s neighbor called to say that she had a friend who wanted to take Delilah out next Saturday night. And when I was sitting at dinner with Delilah last night, she retrieved a phone message from yet another one who wanted to take her out on Friday.

Delilah laughed with tears in her eyes, “They’re just falling out of the sky!”


You bet your sweet—! Make your list. Live it, breathe it. Want it. Attract it. Open yourself up to all of the possibilities. The Universe will open wide when it’s clear on what you want, and guess what? If you visualize bigger peanuts, that’s what you’ll get.

Visualizing Bigger Peanuts

Visualizing Bigger Peanuts

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